Unfortunately for the first 14 years together, our marriage was good, but our sex life was a disaster.
I thought. “This is going to go badly. What if I can’t get aroused? What if we get started and it goes nowhere, and we end up angry at each-other? Why in the world, can’t I just enjoy this???” Talk about sexual performance anxiety. I had it bad – and didn’t even know it had a name.
What is wrong with me anyway? I wondered. I was a recognized expert in human potental, for heavens sakes! This was too humiliating. I felt like a total hypocrite. I couldn’t even win in my own bedroom.
As I thought about how to avoid sex one more time, I nervously stepped into the shower. When I did, I thought about our years together – the great times, the beautiful children, my frustration with not making my husband happier. And then out of the blue, I thought of something. It was some kind of a MINDSET TRICK.
With water pouring down on me, I suddenly remembered this crazy stres- relief technique I had seen on a video. It had something to do with shifting your energy while thinking about your distress. It had looked like the dumbest thing I’d ever seen in my life, but I was desperate.
Within a few moments, I felt calm and peaceful, but I still didn’t know if I would become aroused.
I did feel completely present though. I was aware of all my senses. I loved how the water felt on my skin. I loved how my shower gel smelled and I noticed that my body looked beautiful with the hot water pouring down in it.
I was happily aware of every passionate kiss, every loving touch. My whole body went crazy with pleasure.
For the first time in months, I looked closely in his eyes. We were completely together, so intimately connected. I knew that I was fully present, but so was he. He was so happy. Everything he did felt incredible! It was the best sex I could remember having in a long, long time.
I had NO anxiety. I just went to bed with my sexy husband; same result – EXCITING, PASSIONATE, GRATIFYING SEX. The next night we did it again, and it got even better. I don’t think we had EVER had sex three days in a row since the Honeymoon, more than a decade earlier.
In fact it seems ridiculous, but that “magical night” was the last time that I ever felt performance anxiety or aversion around our sex life again.
I poured myself into learning more about this crazy peak performance technique. I had to know what I had stumbled into. Was it a fluke? Was it crazy? Was it some New Age voo doo? The more I learned, the more… Read more…